April Beginnings: When Hope Meets Reality
There’s something about April that hits differently when you’re trying to conceive. As flowers bloom and everything springs to life, that invisible clock just gets louder, doesn’t it?
I remember sitting across from my gynecologist back in February 2016, doing the calculations in my head. “If Clomid works right away, I could be pregnant by April and holding my baby before the year ends.”
Spoiler alert: it didn’t happen that way.
When my test results came back, they showed that a simple solution wasn’t in the cards for me. That realisation; I wouldn’t be holding a baby that was hard to bear.
The Monthly Rollercoaster We All Know Too Well
Do you ver feel like your life has become one endless cycle? I sure did:
- Tracking every possible sign
- Timing everything just right
- That two-week wait (which feels like two years)
- Analysing every twinge (Was that implantation?)
- Then either heartbreak or cautious hope
Meanwhile, life goes on around you. Your friend announces her pregnancy (“We weren’t even really trying!”). Your Instagram feed becomes a parade of gender reveals and baby showers. The school run you pass each morning feels like a daily reminder of what you don’t have.
That Unwelcome Visitor Called Jealousy
Then one day, it happens. Your best friend sends the text with her positive test, and you feel two completely opposite emotions at once – genuine happiness for her and overwhelming sadness for yourself.
I never invited jealousy along on my fertility journey, but it showed up anyway. And you know what? That’s completely normal. You’re not a bad person for feeling it. You’re just human, wanting something that seems to come so easily to others.
Sound familiar?
You’re Not Actually Alone (Even When It Feels Like It)
The thing about infertility is it can be incredibly isolating. You’re going through this intense experience while the world carries on, oblivious. But look around – there are others walking this same path, understanding things that people with their “oops” babies never will.
The Cruellest Trick of Infertility
Here’s what nobody tells you about infertility: it doesn’t just take away the baby you long for – it steals pieces of you along the way.
Remember the woman who made decisions with confidence? Who faced challenges with grace? Who genuinely celebrated others’ joy without that sting? Infertility has a way of reshaping her into someone you barely recognise – a walking fertility calendar who measures life in cycle days and “peak fertility” windows.
I see you there, counting days, googling symptoms, trying to both hope and prepare for disappointment at the same time. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
But beneath all the apps, medical jargon, and scheduled sex, YOU are still there. The woman with dreams beyond motherhood. With strengths beyond just endurance. With value that has absolutely nothing to do with your reproductive system.
She might feel like a stranger right now, but she hasn’t gone anywhere.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Having walked this road myself, I can tell you it’s not easy – but you absolutely have the strength to travel it. Especially with the right support.
If April’s renewed hope is feeling more heavy than happy this year, I’m here. Together, we can find a way through this maze, helping you reclaim the confidence and sense of self that infertility so often takes away. Just drop me a message via my website and we can go from there.