Are you sitting comfortably? Let me share a story called “The Warm Fuzzy Tale.” It’s a gentle reminder about how positive interactions, or “strokes,” can support us emotionally, especially during challenging times like IVF treatment.
Once upon a time, in a land filled with “warm fuzzies,” people gave them out freely. A warm fuzzy made others feel, well, warm and fuzzy. These warm fuzzies were believed to be essential for everyone’s health and happiness. So, people in this land were full of joy and connection.
But one day, a wicked witch decided to stir things up. She spread a rumour that the warm fuzzies might run out. Fearful, people began to hoard their warm fuzzies, giving them out less and less. Slowly, unhappiness spread.
To “help” this unhappy land, the witch introduced “cold pricklies.” While they kept people going, they didn’t bring warmth. Instead, cold pricklies made people feel prickly and sad. Eventually, people began disguising cold pricklies as warm fuzzies, and the confusion only grew.
One day, a kind-hearted woman arrived, unaware of the witch’s schemes. She freely shared her warm fuzzies, reminding everyone of the joy they bring. Slowly, people learned to give them out freely once again, and happiness returned.
This story, written by Dr. Claude Steiner, a pioneer of Transactional Analysis, is a metaphor for what he called “strokes.” In his model, strokes are essential emotional interactions that keep us going. They come in two main forms: positive strokes (warm fuzzies) like “You’re doing a great job,” and negative strokes (cold pricklies) like “I don’t think you’re doing that right.”
As adults, we still need strokes. We want to feel appreciated, especially in times of difficulty. But sometimes, like in the warm fuzzy tale, we begin to believe we don’t deserve these positive interactions. For women on an IVF journey, this can be particularly challenging.
It’s important to remind yourself you are worthy of strokes, particularly during your IVF journey.
Many of us were raised with rules about positive strokes, like:
- Don’t give strokes when you feel you have to.
- Don’t ask for strokes when you need them.
- Don’t accept strokes if you want them.
- Don’t reject strokes when you don’t want them.
- Don’t give yourself strokes.
These rules can lead to a mindset where we hesitate to seek support or feel guilty about self-compassion. Yet, the truth is, strokes are unlimited. Both you and the people in your life can give and receive them freely.
In IVF, it can be hard to feel worthy of strokes, especially when every step is laden with uncertainty. You may also feel intense feelings of guilt that your body isn’t what is ‘should be doing’ – so why would you be worthy of positive stroke? Yet, in this journey, warm fuzzies are more important than ever. Remind yourself that you deserve these positive strokes, both from others and from within.
New Rules for Building Emotional Resilience During IVF
Here are some “new rules” that might feel more nurturing and aligned with your IVF journey:
- Give warm fuzzies freely, to yourself and others. It’s okay to recognize your own efforts. For example, after a tough appointment at the fertility clinic, remind yourself, “I am handling this with strength.”
- Ask for strokes when you need them. Let those closest to you know when you could use a kind word or reassurance. It’s okay to ask, “Could you remind me I’m doing everything I can?”
- Accept positive strokes without hesitation. When someone says you’re brave or resilient, accept it. You are. Let “thank you” be your simple response.
- Reject strokes that feel inauthentic or unhelpful. If a comment feels more like a plastic fuzzy than a warm one, it’s okay to let it go. Focus on the feedback that feels true and supportive.
- Prioritize self-care and self-strokes. Taking time for yourself is essential, not selfish. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would show a friend.
Why Warm Fuzzies Matter
Positive strokes strengthen us. They affirm our efforts and give us a foundation of emotional resilience to face difficult days. During IVF, it’s easy to be harsh with ourselves, feeling like we aren’t doing enough or focusing on what we lack. But warm fuzzies—whether from others or self-given—remind us of our worth, our efforts, and our inner strength.
As you walk through this chapter, remember that you’re not alone. There’s a community of women who understand, and positive support is within reach. If you’d like support exploring this concept further, I’m here to help.
For more support, sign up to my IVF newsletter with reflections and practical tips designed for women undergoing IVF, touching on the unique challenges you may face along the way.