Mother’s Day brings a cascade of emotions for many women undergoing fertility treatment and IVF. Like many experiences on the infertility journey, there’s no single “right” way to feel about this day.
During a recent fertility support group which I facilitate for Fertility Network UK, I was struck by the diversity of feelings expressed about Mother’s Day. Some women shared that the day passes without much emotional impact; it simply doesn’t resonate with their current fertility experience. For others navigating infertility, Mother’s Day arrives like a storm, stirring up complex emotions about their own fertility journey, their relationships with their mothers, or the grief of having lost their mothers.
The Emotional Weight of Infertility During Mother’s Day
I’m often reminded of the profound wisdom in Megan Devine’s words: “Some things cannot be fixed, they can only be carried.” This simple yet powerful statement acknowledges that not every painful experience in fertility treatment has a solution or a silver lining. Sometimes, the most honest thing we can do is recognize the weight of what we’re carrying through the IVF process.
For many women navigating fertility challenges and infertility, Mother’s Day represents one of those weights; a day that highlights the gap between expectation and reality, between deeply held dreams of motherhood and current circumstances. And just as Devine suggests, perhaps this isn’t something to “fix” or “overcome,” but rather something to acknowledge and carry with as much gentleness as possible while continuing your fertility treatment.
The Calendar’s Added Pressure on Your Fertility Journey
The timing of Mother’s Day carries an additional layer of complexity for those undergoing fertility treatment. As March draws to a close, it marks the final month in which conceiving would result in a 2025 baby. This calendar reality can intensify feelings for those on the fertility and IVF journey. It creates an artificial yet emotionally significant deadline that looms large.
For some women experiencing infertility, this awareness sharpens the grief or anxiety already present. It represents another measure of time passing in your fertility journey, another milestone approached and potentially missed. The knowledge that conceiving after March means waiting until 2026 to become a mother can feel like watching another door slowly closing on your fertility timeline.
I’ve witnessed (and also experienced first hand) how these calendar mathematics can weigh heavily on women’s hearts during fertility treatment. Each passing month into not just a physical cycle, but an emotional one marked by hope, disappointment, recalibration, and renewed determination. The overlay of Mother’s Day with this particular timing creates a perfect storm of emotional complexity for women dealing with infertility.
Finding Emotional Support During Infertility: Permission to Feel Your Truth
Each and every one of us will approach Mother’s Day in our own unique way while dealing with fertility challenges. Whatever your relationship with Mother’s Day during your fertility journey, I want to offer this reminder: Your feelings about infertility are valid exactly as they are.
There’s no need to force cheerfulness if you’re feeling raw about fertility treatment, and equally, there’s no need to manufacture sadness if you’re feeling okay.
As Devine’s philosophy reminds us, sometimes true healing during fertility treatment comes not from trying to “fix” our pain or push it away, but from learning to carry it with kindness—acknowledging its presence without letting it define our entire existence while navigating infertility.
Practical Ways to Support Yourself Through Infertility on Mother’s Day
If Mother’s Day does bring difficult emotions about your fertility journey, here are some gentle ways to honour your experience:
1. Create space for your feelings about infertility
Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up about fertility treatment without judgment. Maybe that means journaling about your fertility journey, talking with a supportive friend about infertility, or simply sitting quietly with your emotions for a few minutes.
2. Set boundaries where needed
It’s okay to decline brunch invitations or take a social media break during Mother’s Day. Protecting your energy isn’t selfish; t’s necessary self-care during your infertility journey.
3. Honour your fertility journey
Consider creating a small ritual that acknowledges where you are right now on your path to motherhood—perhaps lighting a candle or planting something to symbolize hope.
4. Connect with others experiencing infertility
Reach out to others who might be carrying similar weights on their fertility journey. Sometimes sharing the burden of infertility makes it lighter, not because it’s “fixed,” but because you’re reminded you’re not carrying it alone.
A Gentle Reminder for Those Experiencing Fertility Challenges
As we approach Mother’s Day Sunday, remember that your worth is not measured by your fertility status or maternal status. You are complete and valuable exactly as you are on your fertility journey, exactly where you are in the process.
Some aspects of infertility cannot be fixed, they can only be carried. And sometimes, carrying our truth about fertility challenges with compassion is the most powerful thing we can do.
Sending gentle fertility support to each of you this Mother’s Day weekend, however you’re experiencing it on your infertility journey.
If you’re finding Mother’s Day particularly challenging this year and would like more emotional support, please reach out. I’m here to walk alongside you during infertility, not to “fix” your feelings, but to help you carry them with more ease.
Gemma Antcliffe is a specialist fertility counsellor supporting women through IVF and fertility treatment. Based on her personal and professional experience, she provides emotional guidance for women navigating infertility and the complex emotions that arise during fertility journeys.