Today, I caught a snippet of an interview with the late songwriter Allee Willis, known for collaborating with Maurice White of the 70s band Earth, Wind and Fire to write the iconic song “September.”
Allee shared a memory about her journalism background and the confusion she felt when she first heard the lyrics “ba-dee-ya” in the chorus. She assumed they’d eventually be replaced with “real” words because, to her, they didn’t make sense. Desperate to change them, she even asked, “What the fuck does ‘ba-dee-ya’ mean?” Maurice, in his wisdom, simply replied, “Who the fuck cares?”
Allee reflected on this moment as the greatest lesson she ever learned in song writing: never let the lyrics get in the way of the groove.
This really struck me, as it’s a lesson that applies not just to music but to many areas of life—especially to the journey of IVF. My mind immediately jumped to social media and the flood of advice we face when trying to conceive:
- Eat certain foods to boost fertility, like omega-3-rich foods
- Cut out sugar, caffeine, and processed foods
- Avoid high-intensity exercise
- Take herbs and supplements like maca root or CoQ10
- Try acupuncture
- Detox and cleanse your body
The list goes on and on…
While some advice can be helpful, it’s essential to approach it with caution. Your fertility journey is unique, and if there’s ever a time to connect to your inner wisdom, it’s now.
Like Allee’s story, getting caught up in the “words”—whether it’s well-meaning advice, expert recommendations, or endless research—can get in the way of your groove. And by groove, I mean following a path that feels right for you, that helps you stay grounded, and that prevents you from becoming overwhelmed by the struggles of infertility.
Social media has its positives. For example, it helped me reconnect with my now-husband after years apart. It’s also a valuable tool for keeping in touch with friends and family scattered across the world. But, like anything, it has its downsides.
Dr. Anders Hansen, in an episode of Dr. Rangan Chatterjee’s Feel Better, Live More podcast (episode 482, if you want to check it out), explains how, throughout most of human history, we compared ourselves to a small circle of people, mainly because we only can into contact with 50 to 100 over a lifetime. Now, thanks to social media, we compare ourselves to the entire planet. This endless comparison can trigger feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. It sends a signal to your brain that you’re “not good enough,” pushing you out of the group—which your brain registers as dangerous. The result? You feel bad.
So, be mindful of the information you consume. While it’s important to be informed so you, can make empowered choices on your fertility journey, don’t let the noise drown out your inner wisdom. Don’t let the “lyrics” get in the way of your groove.
I say this from a place of love and deep understanding because I’ve been there. I’ve spent sleepless nights googling ways to improve my chances of IVF. I’ve made impulse purchases on Amazon, convinced that something I’d read could be the key. I’ve cut things out of my life that brought me joy “just in case” it would help me conceive. But all it did was leave me feeling resentful and angry that I had to go without.
I’ve also taken breaks from social media because the spontaneous pregnancy announcements, baby shower photos, and birth announcements were painful reminders of what I was struggling to achieve. In those moments, I felt the loneliest I’ve ever felt.
If any of this resonates with you, please know you’re not alone. I’m here to help, not by giving you another checklist of things you “should” do, but by guiding you to find the wisdom within yourself—the wisdom that knows exactly what you need to do to stay in your groove.
Feel free to contact me through my website or sign up for my online community, where I offer support to help you manage the emotional toll of IVF. Together, we’ll find a way to keep you grounded and connected to your journey.