Like many people there are times in my life when I battle with critical thoughts about myself. These thoughts can very easily creep into every part of my life, from my work to my relationships and even my personal goals.
Then add motherhood into the mix.
Becoming a mother has been one of the most amazing things to happen to me. Yet like so many others Mum’s it also brought with it a profound loss of confidence. It shook up my sense of who I was, and I became disconnected from certain aspects of my pre-children life.
For starters, my body was never the same again. You don’t simply “bounce back” after giving birth. My postpartum body is softer and less toned. My joints are less flexible and I now suffer with back pain which developed during pregnancy. In fact, there were moments where I no longer recognised my body, and it didn’t feel good enough.
Running was something I loved doing before having children, but after having not run since pregnancy with my first child, I had become completely disconnected with it. Whenever I saw people signing up for runs, I would think about doing the same. Yet I did nothing. The thought of not measuring up to others or even to my former self was paralysing.
Confronting My Inner Critic
One night when I was out with friends, I had a moment of clarity. One friend, despite having never run a step in her life, signed up for the Great North Run. It was a wake-up call. I decided to try and ignore the critical voice, and I also signed up for a place, running for a charity which I have a deep personal connection with.
I knew if I didn’t challenge the self-doubt, I would continue to let opportunities pass me by, one after the other. Running a half marathon seemed impossible, but it also felt like the perfect challenge. The decision to sign up was both terrifying and exhilarating. It was a commitment to proving that the voice of doubt didn’t have to dictate my actions.
The Training Journey
I will be completely honest, I hated running for the first three months! Every run felt like I was in a battle against my inner critic. It would tell me running was too hard, I was too slow, that it would be easier to just give up. Despite this, I showed up consistently, accepted some runs would be easier than others and something shifted.
Silencing the Voice of Doubt
As the weeks went on, I learned that the critical voice telling me I wasn’t good enough wasn’t really me. It was a bank of thoughts, experiences and beliefs I’d gathered throughout my life centred around fear of failure, of judgment, of not meeting expectations. The more I recognised this past “stuff” was no longer relevant, and in some cases untrue, the quieter the voice became. Instead of letting it control me, I found ways to acknowledge it was there and move forward anyway.
Every small victory became a reminder that I was more capable than I thought. Whether that be running a longer distance, becoming faster, or even the simple act of dragging myself out on a run when I didn’t feel like it.
Race Day: My Moment of Triumph
When race day finally arrived, I felt strong, confident and ready. As I stood alongside my friend on the starting line, I pushed any thoughts of self-doubt away and focussed on all the training I had done, and I had shown up for myself time and again.
Crossing the finish line wasn’t just a physical accomplishment. It was a momentous achievement because I had raised over £1000 for charity, and it was a victory over my self-doubt. I had set a personal goal, committed to it, and achieved something I once believed was out of reach. It also showed me I absolutely was good enough!
How to work with me
If you are looking for support to challenge self-doubt and low confidence, I am here to help. I offer personalised counselling sessions where together we will look to grapple with the issues holding you back and find ways to help you lead a happy and fulfilled life.